i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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