im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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