Umm I'm too high to move.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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