I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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