I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize