just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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