nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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