so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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