I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize