I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize