Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize