I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
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Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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