I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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