yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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