The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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