made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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