Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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