pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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