You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize