Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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