He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize