I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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