He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize