babies were throwing up all over the place
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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