I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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