mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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