I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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