I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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