Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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