I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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