At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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