i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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