god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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