I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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