You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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