Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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