Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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