If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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