You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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