So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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