Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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