I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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