I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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