I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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