We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
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I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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