if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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