she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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