did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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