I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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