We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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